Category: Family Togetherness


Oldest Son Zach

Oldest Son Zach

After learning of the tragedy that unfolded over my PC yesterday afternoon The Sandy Hook Elementary School Tragedy left me in a

state of tears as I sat quietly reading about what had transpired there. I immediately started praying for the families and Children. I couldn’t help but wonder if this is really the wake up call to enlist the action of our elected officials to really put their differences and politics aside to just do what is right for everyone. President Obama was clearly shaken up.

Piers Morgan was busy pointing fingers at the Autism Community with his speculations from a psychiatrist he had on a live show.  Adam Lanza did have mental illness, He did use his mother’s weapons to kill her and the others.  He also attempted to purchase a weapon just a few days before his rampage and had a altercation at the school around the same time.  Adam Lanza had no previous criminal record. His parents divorced in 2008, He last saw his dad this past June 2012 as reported. President Obama named all the Tragic Killings in the past year. What do they all have in Common? They were all very young men who were deeply troubled. Why?

I won’t be pointing fingers, as we all know blame gets you nowhere, but I can certainly point out obvious emotional triggers that effects boys since I’am raising my two sons on my own and provide awareness of what I have learned throughout my life raising them. Are we really ready to deal with the reality of what needs to be done to preserve our own family dynamics when it comes to our children? I’m sure I’am not the only parent who has been very aware and proactive in what my kids do on a daily basis. Whether they be on or off the school campus, their friends, their sports involvements and social life which has transgressed into a social media lifestyle.

I really don’t feel comfortable with social media lifestyles for school age kids, especially kids with internet service on their cell phones and logged into Facebook and other mobile apps. I firmly believe that these forms of social engagement  enhance the  peer pressure, bullying, emotional health in what is just one of the many things wrong with the social lifestyles and upbringing of children. With Divorce rates over 50 percent, Some Parents who were once closely bonded with their children especially for boys what I have always noticed about  my oldest when he was two his dad moved out of the home. As heart breaking as it was his dad remained involved from a distance but never fully recovered and rebuilt his life.

Our family who was self-employed homeowners with two young children ages seven and two. Six months later he moved to Orange County.  The children barely saw him and the emotional toll started setting in with my daughter, who became so depressed she couldn’t focus at home to do her homework that usually never took longer than 45 minutes. If I had known the symptoms were different for men than women when it came to depression, I was shocked last week when I posted this article on twitter over to Dr. Dale Archer. Almost every symptom they described was my children’s father over 14 years ago. It was like looking at his picture in a framed piece of Art hanging on our wall that is how surreal it had become for me.

I had always thought that boys need that male bonding with their fathers.  It becomes a very emotional time for them when they are going through puberty to becoming the Man in the family if they are the oldest male living in your divorced household. I warmly embraced my son who has really come so far from where he was. He deserves everything he wants in his life. I watched this super hyperactive child develop that never gave me a break through toddler-hood and spent so many hours in the ER at the hospital. I could never take my eyes off him for very long he would be going 10 different directions. We not only survived, we became stronger as a family unit could possibly be with numerous hours of intervention and therapy for both my sons.

It wasn’t until later when I was watching a news clip about boys who are loners, suffer from social anxiety, react to the peer pressure and unable to figure out how to adapt and change themselves for the better. What happened in Sand Hook Elementary was clearly a reminder of what was wrong in our children’s social upbringing. I knew from the time that my oldest son turned 4 that he was influenced by violence over the television. He disappeared on me on his bike of all things, he was wanting to go to the park and left on his own and turned the wrong way and ended up over 4 miles from home hitting the crosswalks all that distance.

He even attempted to out-run two Cop Cars just as he had seen over the Show “Cops” the previous night. He decided to play the bad guy and run. I was very fortunate that God had blessed my son and returned him back to me in one solid piece. He had disappeared one other time after that but I had Angels looking after him all the time, they were the Kindest Strangers I had ever met. He even gave one lady our home phone number to call me to come get him on that second occasion.

I was totally engaged reading how the soul and depression affect men worse in situations when it comes to changing your family dynamic. I honestly believe that Dr. Dale Archer is on the right track but it needs to be extended to preserve  Fathers to maintain that active positive role in their children’s lives when there is divorce involved. A program should be implemented to give them more emotional support. I was really shocked to learn that Adam had been taught how to use weapons with his condition.

I don’t feel comfortable with guns in my home with my kids living in the home with me.  I don’t own any personally. Children have way too much social stress in this century. In the 60’s kids teased to be mean, I experienced that first hand. I outsmarted their thinking and listened to my mother. I knew that she would not tell me wrong information I trusted her completely just as any child would do who have a close bond with their parents.

Mental Illness is not going away anytime soon. 2013 will certainly be a huge year of change for the USA. My prayers lie with all the family members of the deceased. and God Bless Everyone , Peace on Earth.

references:

http://health.doctissimo.com/mental-health/male-depression/recognizing-male-depression.html

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/reading-between-the-headlines/201212/another-mass-murder

 

I can’t believe how time has flown by since my last blog, The past year has been a roller coaster so far. Anything can happen, Whether it be countless things with negative energy attached to it. I have learned  to focus on positive reinforcements to rid the negative  impact of those situations. For everyone that knows me personally knows that after the loss of  SSI Benefits of my two sons last year has really impacted  and continues to challenge my discipline and decisions on a daily basis.

I have been praying for Cassie my daughter since I found out in early May a week before her 21st Birthday where she had moved too.  She left here with her heart broken over the fact that her mom was no longer financially capable of supporting her. She had known for quite a while the stress I had been under to keep food on the table for everyone.  The cost of Gasoline alone ate up what little I had left over after my basic living expenses were paid.

In December of Last year I started immersing myself back with Primerica Financial Services.  I had taken a few years break from doing the business, to focus on the in home intervention on both the boys. Now that most of the Intervention finished last summer It freed my time up when the boys started back to school last year. I had really missed my involvement with my Primerica Family. They have been the constant positive reinforcement to change my life. It is definitely permanently a solid staple in my life.

I’m going to succeed in this I know how good I can be. Facing my worst fears is the answer to my own success and believe it or not I’m doing just that. When I celebrated my birthday lunch with my dad back in 2006, just 10 to 12 days before his death, We had a long talk about Primerica. He finally understood what this Company really meant to me. I feel dad and God with me everyday. I don’t know why but I do. Other family members have dreams with him. I haven’t. It is his guidance to be the best I can possibly be for myself and my family no matter what I choose to do.

I started back to attending Mass at Queen of Angels Church here, even though I haven’t enrolled in the parish yet, I finally figured out that I need more of God’s guidance to get me where I want to be. Loren really enjoys the Masses, he has picked up a lot just from the prayers and singing for his reading in school. I’m going too enroll him into the CCD and get him baptized As soon as I can figure out who to ask to be his God Parents.

I have not been an active participant in the church since the age of 16. I never lost complete faith in everything I learned at school and at Church. I just happened to get lost for few decades attempting to cope with the closeness I once shared with my family, siblings, parents divorce, and my own divorce.  Now that my kids are older I can put forth the work for more self-reflection, meditation, and rebuild my relationship with God and Church. I know that this program will be very good for Loren.  Attempting to get Zach to church with me may take a miracle.

I have also been attending the http://www.healingroomssmv.com What a blessing this has been in my life. I immediately felt a heavy burden lifted off my spirit after two  blessings. I no longer cry when I talk about my past journey. All my negative emotional attachments to my marriage are gone. I now know that the holy spirit is with me, I read the New Testament I need to reinforce to read a paragraph or two each night like I’m suppose too as I was instructed, and I have been praying more at home.

Wow Summer is  almost gone, Autumn is slowly working its way into California, The boys are back in School, Zachary is very happy, a Freshman, and Loren adjusting  to 3rd grade with flying colors, home is totally different story. When Summer started, Kids were out of School We were having fun in the sun, doing our usual local summer activities with the exception of No Youth Football this season. I placed a hold on that for Loren this year to allow him more time for personal growth and maturity.

I had so much anticipation of having a fun summer at the beach this year with the boys. I was going to take them to Refugio Beach this year, and possibly do a week of camping there until the 1st of July come around and got thrown a Curve Ball fast and hard from Social Security over the boys SSI benefits i received for them. We lost over half our income based on my inheritance from my dad when he passed on from his plane crash in 2008.

Because my family owns a small private Corporation that owns property in a commercial wind farm and is leased out for 75 years to the Corporation, meaning no one earns any income from the property, It is zoned commercial, has a appraisal value of 66k . I own this small corporation along with my brother and sister. It was my dad’s retirement dream to supplement his and moms retirement which it definitely did that for dad until his death. Social Security considers this a monetary resource that can be sold. When in fact it can’t be sold. We have Contractual obligations to fill. Social Security says it wouldn’t be a problem if i was residing on the property, then i could retain the benefits.

That’s how they protect all the families in Corporate America, who own millions already in property assets but because those assets are protected in a special needs trust, the government can’t go after them and they retain their benefits. I know this for a fact from talking to friend who manages millions if not billions for his clients that are family members of proctor and gamble and other such notable Corporate America families. Wall Street white-collar crime at its best.

I have been battling this issue with Social Security since January of 2010. I don’t manage any of my dad’s trust, or nor am I involved with the Treasury position in our family corporation. I responded by retaining an attorney to protect my interest. Social Security asked me to sell the property and interest into the family corporation when it is the only thing i have fall back on for myself when i reach retirement. Why would any smart person with financial sense sell it off because the government wanted the money for repayment of benefits they say total over 50k for both my sons. They Scrutinize, stigmatize people for accepting benefits through Social Security.

As it stands now, my sons are at further risk, because i have not been able to fully financially get caught up after the benefits stopped with no warning. Social Security said they sent a letter on the 14th of June. Letter never arrived after several phone calls and informing them of this problem they never sent me a copy I had to drive into Santa Maria and request they give me one.  They wouldn’t accept my receipts from my living expenses, showing that this family is truly at risk further from their actions.

Getting mad, and frustrated doesn’t get you anywhere to solve this matter, just a lot of perseverance, patience, parenting skills, and getting really creative when your kids are always asking to go somewhere and you can’t with gas approaching almost 4 dollars a gallon and you pay your rent and utilities I’m lucky if there is 100 dollars left to cover the cost of gas to last me a month. I’m down to raising my boys with under 990 dollars of child support a month. I got diagnosed with mild to moderate arthritis in both my knees and working hard at the gym to get a grip and loose this excess weight to get my mobility back to where it was. providing that i can retain the payments to the gym and for supplements for the inflammation in my knees.

I’m in the process of researching and seeking employment through Non Profit agencies to help supplement my income and retain financial independence again. I’m been seriously thinking of starting my own non profit organization, Lobbying for Change, and considering going back to school to learn that aspect of the industry. I just know I’m predestined to do something great in my life and I can’t  let this part of it get me down. This blog is to bring Transparency where ever i see it, regardless of where i find it. Awareness is needed to support the Americans who have lost their benefits as well to similar circumstances, since the financial crisis hit.

I read the headlines almost everyday, there is scores of  families just like mine who are unable to provide for their children, especially those who have children at risk and with #Autism, special needs. Shouldn’t Charity begin at home? If you cant take care of your own country how are you able to financially able to take care of so many other countries without any hesitation?

Closing Note: What is really odd about Social Security, is that they tell you are breaking the law, but they can’t show you  any law or tell you what federal penal codes  that you are violating. They just follow policies and procedures.

%d bloggers like this: